Evil Lurks in the Kitchen

            His boot felt empty without the knife.   He held the blade in his hand, poised for action.   But first, he mustn’t forget his cleanliness.   Luigi walked over to the sink and washed the knife thoroughly, and then wiped it dry with a paper towel.   Now he was ready.   He returned to his place behind the counter and raised the knife again.   Before him a random assortment of vegetables advanced, all fierce and menacing.   Luigi knew what he had to do.  

            He reached out and grabbed an approaching stalk of broccoli and quickly decapitated it, turning the head into so many florets. He then proceeded to take down the lookout by gouging out the potato’s many eyes.   A head of cabbage attempted to attack him from behind, but Luigi rounded on it and gave it an impromptu lobotomy.   After hacking through rows of carrots and columns of cucumbers, he threw the evil vegetation into a pan filled with oil.   Luigi slowly heated the pan, forcing out all the will left in the menacing vegetables.   Soon, the only sound to be heard was the sizzling of oil covering the once fierce warriors.  

            Luigi cleaned his knife again and slipped it delicately back into his boot.   As he was doing this another man walked into the kitchen.   He eyed Luigi warily, glancing from the frying pan to Luigi’s boot and back to Luigi’s face.   Approaching cautiously, he rounded the kitchen until he was across the counter opposite Luigi.   They stared at each other silently for a moment, then the stranger spoke.  

            “ Whatta you doin’ Luigi?” he queried.

            “What?   Me?   Nothin’,” the chef answered.  

            “Yeah, nothin’.   You playin’ like you fightin’ with them vegetables again?”

            “Nah, ”   Luigi laughed nervously.

            “Yeah, so whatta you doin’ puttin’ that knife in your boot?”

            “Safe keepin’, Ramon.  Never know who’s goin’ to be sneakin’ up on yous.”

            “Uh huh.   Who’s sneakin’ up on you in the kitchen?” Ramon asked.  

            “Well, you, and uh… y’know… that, uh, gang across the street…”

            “Yeah, Mr. Torentelli’s produce could be attacking any day now.”

            “You never know,” Luigi said sulkily.

            “Just gimme the knife, Luigi, before you go hurtin’ yourself.”   

Carisa Anderson