Ten Words for Laura: A Dictionary of Loss

 “J, K, L; my name starts with L, right mamma? I like L’s. Teach me more L words. Can you?”
Laura:
“Laura! We have to get going, stop playing and come out, now!” Her parents had been shouting for so long that their voices were ragged and slow. What could keep a five-year-old girl in hiding for so long? She was known to be willful at times, and her mother was known for giving in to her tantrums, but surely she would know to come when everyone was calling for her, wouldn’t she?
How long had it been? Time both stretched and shrank in the same instance. It was hot; they had been traveling for a long time, and the grove of trees looked too good to be true. They wanted the cool shade, even though it wasn’t quite time for the scheduled break. This was a rest for the soul rather than that of necessity.
Languish:
The shade was decadent in a trip with precious few frills. Languishing in the cool green undergrowth seemed like a forgivable sin. The children needed their time to play and truthfully, so did the adults. Who knew when another oasis like this one would avail itself? They had only made it half way to their new life, and stories foretold that the half to come would be more difficult. They had been lucky, so far, no one had gotten seriously hurt or sick, and God willing, their luck would continue. As long as they had each other, they could put up with the discomforts and difficult work.
Last words:
Lily thought of her daughter’s last words, “But I want to go NOW!” as she skipped off into the woods to find a suitable spot to relieve herself. Laura refused to wait until the wagon and horses were secured, and then both of them could find a place together. That child was so set on having her own way. She was nothing like Lily, who would always finish the task at hand before considering her own needs. Her husband loved that about her, she recognized and accepted her place as a part of the group.
Laughter:
The break had been a good one. The restless kids were running around the trees, playing a kind of hide-and-go-seek game mixed together with tag. They would squeal with laughter and run for base when they were “found.”
Lily’s fault:
“Well, why didn’t you make her wait for you instead of letting her go off into the woods by herself? She’s only five years old, for God’s sake!” Noah marched ahead of his wife into the deeper part of the woods. Did he have to do everything himself? She seemed incapable of disciplining their first-born. A backbone was what she needed when it came to dealing with the likes of his strong willed daughter. He walked ahead, looking into the ever-darkening shadows with Lily taking quick, nervous steps behind him, checking every spot that she might have missed on the first walk through.
“Laura, this is your daddy speaking! Now you come out, you hear?”
Looking:
Others began to take up the shouts, eager to get on their way. The stop had been a forbidden fruit, and they were feeling guilty about idling so long. The others were packed up and ready to go, just one little stray to round up and corral into the wagon.
Lost:
“Did they check all the hiding spots where the kids were playing earlier?” The women knew that a five-year-old could think she was pretty grown up and want to stay hidden longer than even the big kids.
“Come on, Lily, sit down and rest a moment, the men will find her shortly, and you can give her a good spanking to remind her to not go running off again!” The women all murmured in agreement, as they tried in vain to get Lily to stop pacing. She had been worrying a ten-foot oval path between the wagon and the woods’ edge. Noah had told her to stay put, that he couldn’t be looking for both of his women folk in the same day. It had sounded gentle enough in the speaking, but accusation hid behind the words, and Lily shrunk inside.
Love:
For six years they had been together, and now, for six long days they searched the area, seeking that which held them together.
Their love for Laura kept their words in check, as the days and nights stretched out. She would be behind the next rock on the next ridge, they were sure of it. There was a deep crevasse in the canyon over west, maybe they could look there again tomorrow.
Lowland Creek:
They couldn’t all stay. The weather was undependable, and supplies were always a worry. One wagon, traveling light could catch up at Lowland Creek later, when the child was found. Noah and Lily would stay, of course, and Jonah Jencks would help. Enough food for a week would suffice, but when the fifth day came, Lily pleaded with Jencks for one more day. One last day to hold on to a hollow hope, that maybe they could at least have a head stone for their little girl.
Lull-a-bye Litany:
On evening of the sixth day, they climbed up on the creaking boards of the wagon. A soft rain escaped from a heavy gray sky as they set out to meet the others. Lily found a small blanket, that still smelled of her lost child and she cradled it softly as she prayed the prayer she had taught to Laura a lifetime ago.
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep,
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Karen Rahn
This fictional story was inspired by an actual event in my family’s history. KR